Quotes from the 2014-2015 school year

2014-2015

What's the most important thing you learned in social studies this year?

Kid 1: Not all of "history" is true.

Kid 2: The psychology of group cohesiveness

Kid 3: What happened in the past continues to affect us.


Kid 4: Extreme poodle grooming is a real thing! 

When talking about a fundraiser the class was organizing-- Kid: I know we can't sell things at school, but could we... ask people to donate, and then give them a thank you gift? 
Note: I will, actually, vote for this child when she (inevitably) runs for office. 

Kid: "So, wait. Is it Chesapeake Bay or Cheapskate Bay?"

Me: "Chesapeake Bay."

Kid: "But IS there a Cheapskate Bay? Maybe in Canada?"

Me: "I don't think so."

"Miz Middling, when is your birthday?"

"June 5. Why?"

"Um... we were just wondering. But, like, what's the long version of your birthday?"

"The long vers-- Ohhh. Are you trying to figure out how old I am?"

"Um..."


"I'm 27."

"Burning babies so that they can become immortal is frowned upon, I see." (I don't remember the context for this at all, which makes it even funnier.)

Me: Hey, Kid. Do you need something?

Kid: Oh, no. My mom's just going to be a little late picking me up, so I'm hanging out.

Me: Wait... don't you live close enough to walk?


Kid: Well, yeah. But the people I walk with... well, I don't know. I guess I just get tired of hearing them always talk about themselves.

Kid: "So don't judge me, but..."

Me: "I'm not judging you. What?"

Kid: "So... I have this Barbie Dream House. And it has this bed? It's, like, the best Barbie bed ever. Like, it's a water-massage-whatever bed. Anyway. So my lizard was sleeping in the bed..."

"Ugh, this paragraph has too many words!"

Kid: "So, privilege is like... if we were running a race, and one of us was in flip flops, and one of us was in really good tennis shoes?"

Me: "Well, you have the right idea. But the important thing to remember is--"

Kid: "That the flip flops are glued to your feet? You can never take them off?"

Me: "Yes."

Kid: Miz Middling, what's the question to the answer?

Me: Um... what?

Kid: You know, 'a waist of time...' (This was a joke from about 3 days ago)


Me: Oh! 'What do you call a belt made out of watches?'


Kid: Oh! Great! Yes! I was trying to tell this joke to my friend, and was like, 'Hey, I have a great joke! It's a waist of... Wait. Hold on. What's the question?' And she was like, 'Um, I don't know. That's not how jokes work.' So I had to come back and find out.

"Quackery is a common religion."

You can tell that the colonists struggled with their relationship with the Native Americans, as evidenced by the "peacock war."

This is also the year that I made the EXCELLENT decision to commission the talented Rosie Ferne to make paintings of the the wonderful things the kids say:

"So you know how when Ancient Egyptians died, they believed they were going to the Netherlands?"

Me: Ok, that's a great segue into what we're focusing on today! So, at the Salem Witch Trials--

Kid: Wait, what do seaways have to do with the Salem Witch Trials?!

Me: And so, after the battles of Lexington and Concord, the British returned to Boston to lick their wounds and recover.
Whole class of 8th graders: WHAT? EW!! That's SO GROSS!!!