These quotes are from the year I was student teaching-- when I first learned that one of the very most fun parts of being in the classroom is hearing the hilarious things the kids say.
These kids are juniors in high school now, and it totally blows my mind. Here's what they said:
2013-2014
Me:
And, finally, when you are watching other people present, I don't want any dead
shark faces in the audience.
Class:
Um... what?
Me:
Oh, you know. You've all felt the look on your own faces at some point.
<Here I made my eyes vacant and my jaw kind of slack, pretty much achieving
the zoned-out-and-bored 13-year-old look.>
Student
1: Oh, you're really good at looking like a dead shark.
Student 2: Yeah. You
could be, like, an actress.
Student 3: In Jaws!
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Kid:
Wait. You're not paid to do this?
Me:
Well, no. Actually, I PAY to be here.
Insert
general uproar here
Kid:
What a rip-off!
------------------------------------------------
Me:
But you don't need to panic about your presentations! We are not importing more
judgmental. You're just talking to the people in your class. You talk to them
every day.
Kid,
raising her hand for the first time all year: I don't.
Me:...Well,
no. I guess you don't.
------------------------------------------------
"Disease
was another challenge settlers faced. When they got sick, they would either get
better or die."
------------------------------------------------
Kid:
I can't find anything about Russia in this book!
Me:
Did you look in the index?
Kid:
What?
I
flipped to the back of the book, and ran my finger down the list of words.
Me:
There! Russia. Page 86. Did you look there?
Kid, wide-eyed: That's... that's like a MAGIC
part of the book!
------------------------------------------------
Me:
All right, I have a riddle for you all. What goes up and down, but doesn't
move?
Student
1: The sun?
Student
2: A tree?
Student 3, mournfully: My self-esteem...
------------------------------------------------
Kid: Um... so. My homework? Well, my cat bit it. And... sort of tore it?
Me:
Are you telling me that your cat ate your homework?
Kid: Well, sort of. I mean, it's right here...
<Pulls out a ripped piece, tooth-marked of paper.>
------------------------------------------------
"[The missionaries]
thought that if they made the Indians' life like Hell they would not have to go
to Hell."
------------------------------------------------
From
a kid's faux diary, in which she is a character who is moving to the planet
Athena: "Teachers are most wanted; after all, who will teach the future
generation? I, myself, am a software engineer, but every settlement needs a
regular civilian. Who will pay the taxes? Me."
------------------------------------------------
Kid:
Well, when you take a girl out to dinner, you have to pay for it. Those are the
rules.
Kid:
(Skeptical sound)
Kid:
What? If I took a girl on a date, I'd expect to pay for it.
Kid, with great disdain: Haven't you ever heard of
*feminism*?
------------------------------------------------
Kid:
“If I was God, I would be so frustrated. Like, ‘Dudes. I’m right here. And I DO
approve of marriage equality!”
------------------------------------------------
Kid:
"There are so many names up there! How am I supposed to know which one is
mine?"
------------------------------------------------
Kid: "Testicles!
No! NO! Wait! That's not what I meant!" (This one is especially making me laugh, because I can't at all remember the context.)
------------------------------------------------
Ms. Mentor:
And the next thing on the study guide is how mountains are formed, which--
Student
C: We haven't learned that! How can we study that? We don't know it!
Student
D: We are ABOUT to learn it, C.
Student
E: Yeah, we'll be doing it momentarily.
Ms. Mentor: Ahem. Which we will be working on right now.
------------------------------------------------
I was returning papers today and came across one with
no name. After it was claimed, the student examined it and murmured,
"Hmm... I wonder if I put my fake name on this?"
------------------------------------------------
Ms. Mentor:
So, Kid, why couldn't you get your homework done this weekend? What was the
emergency you mentioned?
Kid: Well, there wasn't an emergency. But what if
there HAD BEEN?
------------------------------------------------
I was dressed
rock star-ish for the kids' presentations (it makes sense, go with it). One of
the kids was impressed.
Kid: Miz Middling! You
look... Well, I'm not really allowed to say it in school. You look Bad...
Donkey.
Me: Yeah,
well, I feel pretty bad donkey.
------------------------------------------------
Ms. Mentor:
I'm going to read out the names on these papers, and Miz Middling is going to
check off who has turned them in.
Kid: Heh heh... Check off... Chekov... (and then
some muttering in a Russian accent)
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