Yesterday, I realized that I feel the need to preface my dislike for some things with "Not on principle or anything, but--" For example, "Not on principle or anything, but I don't really go to the cinema. It's just so expensive for what it is." I have so many principles that I get so very impassioned about, I feel the need to explain when they are not the guiding force at hand. I imagine this makes a me a real gem to be around. A super low-key conversationalist.
But here we are, and what are we to do? I'm impassioned, and this whole blog is mine to [virtually] stand on as much as I like. SO THERE.
Of course, this brings us to...
OH MY GOD STOP TEACHING THAT "WE'RE ALL THE SAME ON THE INSIDE." JUST STOP IT ALREADY.
Yes, I know, I do! I know that the intention is to teach empathy and compassion and what-have-you. But-- teaching that by arguing that we're all the same seems a bit misguided to me.
After all, it isn't that impressive to be kind to people who are the same as you. This intended message gets a bit tainted. If we're all just the same, then what do we have to learn from each other? What room do we have to reflect on others' experiences? If we're all the same, then how do we talk about our differences? And it's our differences that make us spectacular.
Plus, we're NOT all the same on the inside. Yes, absolutely, we all share a basic humanity, and it's important to acknowledge that-- but if you're talking with someone who needs it pointed out that we are all human, then, really, I'm not sure what you can realistically hope to get out of that conversation.
But we're not all the same. We're not, and that's great. Who I am as a person would be fundamentally different if I was black or Latina or Christian or Muslim or disabled or a man. I wouldn't be better or worse (well, probably), but my lived experiences would be different-- the world would treat me differently, I would respond differently, and I would grow and develop differently.
What bothers me most about this "we're all the same on the inside" is the erasure of differences (and of the conversation about differences), which seems to imply that differences are bad or shameful-- or that seeing them is.
We've spent years shying away from uncomfortable conversations, but it's time to get down to it. Let's dig in. Kids are so, so capable, and we need to give them the benefit of believing that they can be compassionate and empathetic without needing to see themselves reflected 100% of the time. We can hold up the mirrors to other people for a while and reflect their stories, too.
Also? It's ok to be uncomfortable. Settle in.
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| JUST after I wrote this post, I saw Brene Brown posted this image to her Facebook page. It's perfect. |
Don't say you don't see color. Say that you are so glad there are so many different people in the world.
Don't loudly and obviously shush a child who asks about a person with a disability. Tell them that every body is different, and we only get to comment on our own.
Don't lower your voice when you say the word "gay" (and for the love of love, don't use the word as an insult. Aren't we past that already?). Talk openly and casually about lots of different types of relationships.
Don't talk about "those people." Respectfully name the group you're talking about.
Fill your library and your Netflix queue and your home museum and your eyes with work created by and about people of diverse backgrounds.
Not every conversation needs to be A Teachable Moment (TM), but every conversation is a moment in which to learn.
Let's teach our kids that we're different-- and that is something to celebrate.
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