It's a Phase

"Are there actually any straight people here?" a member of QUILTBAG*, our GSA**, asked as she looked around the room.

"Here!" Two of our most enthusiastic members (ok, they're all enthusiastic) waved cheerfully.

"Oh, it's ok," I reassured them. "It's just a phase."

Everyone laughed.

I'm pretty sure every kid in that room has been told by a friend or family member that what they were experiencing is "just a phase."

According to Merriam-Webster, a "phase" can be defined as a distinguishable part in a course, development, or cycle.

So, YES! Sure! Absolutely! What the kids are experiencing is absolutely a phase, because it's part of their development. Maybe the phase will be a week, maybe it will be a year, or maybe it will last the rest of their lives. The beauty of this is that it does not matter.

Just because something is a phase does not make it less real. If I started eating meat tomorrow, it wouldn't make the past 15 years any less vegetarian. If my favorite color becomes yellow, it doesn't mean I didn't "really" like green. If my love of teaching persists through my entire life, that won't somehow "justify" my early years as a teacher.

And really, what's to be gained by discounting another person's identity? If it's transitory, we've... what? Mistakenly called them by the pronouns they were more comfortable with for a while? Fallaciously given them a rainbow pin? Now we have to... call them by a different name that is important to them? I, for one, think I can handle that level of flexibility or disruption.

What's the downside, exactly, of accepting who they are? Of accepting who we are?

This is where I get irritating and strident. I'm afraid you have to imagine this being shrieked from the top of a pile of soapboxes: Let's OWN our phases, however long they last, and LET OTHERS OWN THEIRS. Phases are real! Phases are GREAT! Let's celebrate ALL of the phases, because every one of them is part of the spectacular people we get to know.

When we were working on gender unicorns last week, it was uplifting and warming to hear kids consider the spectrums of their identities. They'd consider their options and shade in bars to different levels. Some of them were careful and deliberate, making sure their unicorns were perfect representations of themselves at that moment. Others were more slapdash, grinning at each other, "Oh, who knows. I'm still figuring this out. So maybe... kind of like this?" They'd look over at each other's unicorns, admiring both the results and the process. They were ok with themselves, and they were ok with each other.

It's all a phase.

The moon is no more or less a moon depending on what part of the month you look at it.

*The name of our school's Gender and Sexuality Alliance-- it stands for Queer, Undecided, Intersex, Lesbian, Trans*, Bisexual, Agender/Asexual, Genderqueer/Gay.

**Gender and Sexuality Alliance (as you have, presumably, discerned from the above note). These used to be called Gay-Straight Alliances, but has changed in recent years to more accurately encompass the breadth and depth of the community.